Mission Statement Questionnaire Part 2: Geough

This afternoon my golden retriever, Viggo, was run over by a white van with "Google Blogspot" written broadside in a black and no-nonsense sans serif. Its driver was wearing a mask that resembled my face, and as he drove off he gave me a double-thumbs up and yelled "You're the man, Stan!" That's my signature catchphrase. 

I took it as a warning from our new internet overlords. Google Bloogspot can reach us anywhere. They can see what we're doing, and (through the subordinate agency of the EM-Path 4400) how we're spending our time on the internet. I feel I have no choice but to give in, and to outline below some semblance of a mission statement for a project which, in its essence, amounts to little more than the coercion of humans by machines. And you, lovelies, have to read it. Because Goople Blopspot can see what you're doing too. Don't speak with your computer. Turn off your children. No one or thing is to be trusted.

Fran Francisco Mission Statement Questionnaire Volume 2

What needs are we meeting?

How will we work to meet those needs?

What principles, values, or beliefs will guide our work?

1. What needs are we meeting?

Weekly mix tapes. Tuneful avant-garde skronk, processed lute music, and chooglin, forced upon your hard drive from a clandestine People’s Liberation Army office in Shanghai. Bootlegs of John Fogerty, crying. A musical mutiny for the greatest country in the world.

Once a week I drink a shot of pyrithione zinc dandruff shampoo and write or draw what I see on the inside of my closed eyelids. Let me offer you the best vintages my mind grapes have to offer. 

2. How will we work to meet those needs?

In our spare time, with buck wild abandon. Buck naked. All our endeavors, I'm now being told, are like angry bees which aim only to please you, the reader. We will generate words for nerds and vids for kidz. Teams of marketers are telling the EM-Path 4400 what you are suspected of enjoying, and she has electrodes in our Wernicke's areas. Can beam that shit right in. You are always right, you are our bottom line, and you're gonna like the way these bees feel on your face.

3. What principles, values, or beliefs will guide our work?

Humor and good spirits in acknowledgement of the failures of the 19th, 20th, and 21st centuries, and of religion, secular humanism, revolution, free market capitalism, social democracy, neoliberalism, America, various and beloved forms of escapism, and, of course, love. There is no better world than this one, and it's about time people started making GIFs.

I hope you like it! Viggo is wearing one of those outrageous paper cones that injured dogs wear. I hope I never see that van again. I HATE Google Blo-

[END TRANSMISSION]

Mission Statement Questionnaire Part 1: Patrick

 In light of recent events in which the Fran Francisco team has been described as going “completely buck wild, completely buck naked,” the esteemed Tumblr Media Dot Company has moved to cut ties with the FF family. As of February 2013 operations have been shifted to noted source of illegal information: 'Google Blogspot.' More than just a new host our migration to the blog Spot will affect Fran Francisco in a number of fundamental ways. “A Re-prioritization of our priorities” is how the giant computer that makes all our decisions for us puts it and she's rarely wrong. We'll be pulling up our sleeves and furrowing our brows, basically all night if we have to, coming up with new ways of validating ourselves through the entertainment of others (or a non-snake based solution to the urban rat problem. Whatever gets cracked first.)

EM-Path 4400 has asked us to answer a simple questionnaire, our responses and her calibrations to form the foundation of Fran Francisco's mission statement. Like pearls from the mouths of baby pigs these small truths will be cast before you. These self-evident pig pearls form the foundation of a knowledge building. In this knowledge building you will find understanding's office. And understanding's boss. Wisdom. 

Let's rock 'n roll right into it.