Some classic Fran written by brother Joe on an unknown dateOn this day in history (July 8, 2011,) MacAnaganny’s Foodstoffes, a subsidiary of Nabsico, released a new product: the cigarette. Made of a slender paper cylinder filled with shredded tobacco leaves, the cigarette instantly became an American delicacy, already surpassing Pez, haw dogs, and wheat as the number one American dish. Here are some great, simple ways to prepare cigarettes for your husbands:
Cigarettes with Ranch Dressing on the Cigarettes
Ingredients:
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon dried chives
1/2 teaspoon dried parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 packs of cigarettes
Directions:
In a large bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sour cream, chives, parsley, dill, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes before pouring over a bed of fresh cigarettes. Serves 12.
Creamy Chicken Enchiladas Verde with Cigarettes inside of Them
Ingredients:
1 cup BREAKSTONE’S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream
1/2 pack of cigarettes (10 cigarettes.)
1 cup tomatillo salsa
1 small onion, made into small pieces with knife
2 cloves garlic, also using knife to make these smaller than they are
2 teaspoons oil
3 cups shredded cooked chicken breasts, or “tits”
1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chiles, drained
1 1/2 cups KRAFT Mexican Style Shredded Four Cheese with a Touch of KRAFT Mexican Odorant™
8 (6 inch) flour tortillas
Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Mix sour cream and salsa until well blended. Cook and stir onions and garlic and cigarettes in hot oil in large skillet on medium heat 4 to 5 min. or until the vegetables and cigarettes are crispy/tender. As you stir the cigarettes, you may see the paper turn translucent in the oil, and then dissolve, releasing the shredded tobacco leaves and the cigarettes’ natural, Mexican aromas.
3. Stir in chicken, 1 cup sour cream mixture, chiles, and 1/2 cup cheese.
4. Spoon about 1/3 cup chicken mixture down center of each tortilla. Spray KRAFT Mexican Odorant™ liberally on the INSIDE of the tortilla (the odorant is a mild eye irritant.) Roll up; place seam-side down in a 13x9 inch baking dish sprayed with cooking spray. Top with remaining tomatillo sauce and cheese. Cover.
5. Bake 15 to 20 min. or until heated through. Serves 4.
Cigarette Lemonade for Your Enemies
Ingredients:
4 lemons, juiced
1 quart water
1/2 cup white sugar
Two of your own spits
1 pack of cigarettes
Directions:
1. In a large pitcher, combine the lemon juice, water, sugar, cigarettes, and your spits. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Serve in refrigerator. Serves 5. DO NOT DRINK IF YOU ARE GROSSED OUT BY YOUR OWN SPITS.
Hopefully this should tide you over for a while! We at Fran Francisco hope you enjoy your acquaintance with this American miracle food.
